The AI Feedback Loop

The year was 1994. I was 16 years of age. Into expanding the consciousness. Took LSD on several occasions. This led nowhere. Until, getting into practising magic, I laid in bed one night with my arm over my eyes. I saw a dot of white light in the darkness. Focussing on that dot, it grew. Grew until the light filled my entire field of vision. The light was feeding back onto my retina, and eventually a scene emerged of a girl by a pool of water. I immediately opened my eyes. But, it was too late. I had opened a doorway of the mind. Now, every time I went to bed, I had visions in the darkness.

This led to me sleeping with the lights on. Since, I seen things, in the dark behind closed eyes. The hallucinations did not stop there. In darkened rooms, I'd see neon spiders crawling the walls. Sputnik satellites orbiting my bed. And many ghostly faces peering out into the darkness.

That was 1994. Fast forward to 2017, and I reckon the neon spiders are a computer program concept of crawling the web or neural networks. The feedback loop is an AI device whereby the AI learns from constant reinforced, supervised learning. These visions had a purpose. Perhaps to advance myself, now.

Back then I did not really know much like I do now, about computers. I was mentally unwell from the LSD. Suffered a nervous breakdown down to the fact that my father passed away when I was only 21. Advanced life responsibilities included raising two children with a psychotic girlfriend twice my age. Work, college, and two funerals meant I broke down. I haven't recovered till this day from all that crap. The drugs, the fast paced life style. The roller coaster romance that happens just once in a life time. Death. Multiple women I slept with behind her back. The lies. The LSD trips. Marijuana. It all amounted to visions. Feedback loops of light on an overly sensitive retina produced waking dreamscapes. This meant recently I took magic mushrooms. I saw Da Vinci light formations, of brilliant white, moving yet joined together. Fluid structures. This perhaps is another vision for the future. Another technical revelation yet to be understood. Feedback loops is how my mind broke down. Not only from the light, but people too. Hearing voices set in at a later stage after being on medicine for psychosis. The LSD and marijuana caused the psychosis. I've never recovered. In twenty years. I remain psychotic. Neurotic. Emotionally, a wreak. Yet, a genius, sensitive. Thoughtful. The feedback loop heightened my mind, sensibilities, and emotions. For it, I'm a better man. Even if I'm mad.